My Unique Path

It's been 30 days since I have posted last. A purposeful decision, I admit. A lot can happen in 30 days. A lot has happened in 30 days. As I mentioned before I was having surgery and as you can tell by now, I have thankfully come through on the other side, although recovery was very slow going at first. I am still recovering, but I can say that the hardest part is behind me and for that, I am extremely grateful. I chose to not post and take the time I needed to get to a place of healing before I shared.

During my time doing nothing but resting and recovering, I was able to finish a fiction book for a collection written for Christian Fiction readers based on Latino characters which I am super excited about. It's my first time collaborating with others writers and I'm blessed to be part of the process. With so much time on my hands, I have even had the time to nearly complete a different fiction novel that I started last year and hope to have completed this week.

All of my moving plans are finalized, which is a relief. My kids started new schools. I now have a middle and high schooler, Lord, help me. And my baby, well is no longer a baby, and was asked to co-host a LIVE online fundraiser to benefit children's cancer research. Yes, a co-host and she is only four years old. (I'll share the video link on my Facebook page.)

I have reached a few milestones as well. I have lost a total of 36lbs for all of those keeping track that I am trying to be the healthiest me I can be. It felt really good purging my closet because clothes were too big instead of too small. Since letting go of people, places and things a few months ago, I have blessedly never gone back to those things God told me to let go of. I have reached a new level of faith in believing he will heal, mend, teach and guide me despite having no idea whatsoever where the path will lead me. I have no assurances that everything will work out, other than God's will always does. 

Oh, 2018 continues to be my year of change, but I embrace the change that is inevitable rather than hold on to what is fading into the past. Each circumstance I place in the hands of the One that guides my life very much feels like I am blindfolded and am walking into the unknown with just his guiding voice. 

Cynthia take a step and turn right because making a left will drop me off the side of a cliff. 

Cynthia, stop and be still. 

But Lord I want to keep moving. 

Cynthia stop because one more step forward will put you directly in the middle of dangerous traffic. I will tell you when it is the time to move. 

Whether He has guided me down narrow paths, up and down mountainsides, or through heavily wooded forests so dark you could barely see the sunlight it was always the best course in order to reach the plan He has for my life. It teaches me to listen to the urging in my spirit.

For any of you who knew Erica Kramer, you knew me as a woman, on the war-path to encourage others to fight and grow in Christ above all else. I was a pushy broad...lol. I walked the trenches with standers, often times dragging others to a place of safety if just for a moment, feeling your pain and crying along beside you.

This past year has been such a different experience from the last ten. While I still have the desire in my heart to encourage, which I still do on some level, God has called me to a place to focus on me. It still weirds me out most of the time. With humility, I can tell you that for so long I catered to others, whether my marriage, children, family, friends, or ministry that I was the last person I was worried about. I gave of myself until I was on empty. I was even ok doing so, until God showed me that I am not God and do not have the ability or resources of ever being Him. 

He called me to a place of rest. Funny thing is that rest, is filled with change. It took a very long time to figure out that things had to change or I would continue forging ahead to places he never intended for me to go. I had to get to a place where everything around me was so foreign the only map I could rely on was God. I can attest that I am stubborn and hardheaded, and I guess I still have a lot to learn because its September and the changes continue. Blessedly I trust my Guide explicitly and have stopped having fleshly tantrums everytime I was blindsided or called to go farther than I thought I could.

I am not the Erica Kramer that many of you once knew. I have outgrown her. I say that in love. While God never changes because He is perfect, He calls us to grow. In a few years, maybe even months, I will not be the same Cynthia I am today. In fact, that is my wish. I long to continue to grow in Him leaving behind what is no longer for me and move ahead to where He wants me to be and making no apologies for it.

It's amazing how far a person can travel in just 30 days when taking just one small step at a time.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

Photo by Ashim D’Silva on Unsplash Ashim D’Silva